I Have Writers Block Right NOW

Yeah so I have writers block at this very moment. you might be asking how is it that i’m writing though….I just told myself to write something and something will come to you. So as of right now nothing has came, I’m truly at a lost for words, but how can that be if I am still typing? OK so I guess I will just type these thought racing through my mind. I am thinking about the rent that is due, Internet, directv, cell phone, sigh. I am also thinking about this long ass train ride I am about to partake in. I am also hungry, however as you stand next to me more often you will realize that I am always hungry.

I was also just thinking about how it appears that I am the only one in this library who can type freely, as in, any subject matter. Everyone else looks really serious and miserable, Im listening to Waka Flacka right now. So many different types of people go to this school. I think my stomach is making noises, but I cant hear it because my headphones are loud, why is that funny too me?

Well I am going to get on this train and hopefully I will come up with a better…wait, a subject matter period. I should name this blog “Racing Thoughts”, or ” I Can Not Concentrate. I am going to leave it as is because honestly I was just going to log out and come try again later. But since this what I’ve done, I believe this is what is meant to be.  

 

America Got Talent (for ignoring things)

It is so sad and pathetic that some people walk around everyday in their small minds ignoring all of the issues that are really important. Speaking of small, I once lived in a small town, Columbia, P.A. And the racism was not a secret. There were certain bars we could not go in. People would drive by and yell out “niggers!” This was in the year of 1997. You can feel the tension in the air in a diner, in a store, walking down the street. Being harassed by police officers was normal to me and my friends. A couple of people who were really close to me, including my brother Micheal, were murdered either in police custody, or just by racist people who live in the town or surrounding towns.

I am from The Bronx. I am not going to say racism does not exist in New York City, however it is rarely verbalized openly. What I guess I am trying to say is, you have a better chance of exercising your civil rights in New York City. You as a so called minority, has a better chance at life period in a city, verses a small town. Some NYPD officers are ignorant and racist, but they are light work in comparison to small town racist police officers in Columbia, P.A.

This particular entry is not about the police. It is about the civilians who live in Columbia. Why do they feel comfortable living and raising their children and grandchildren in a town that kills people simply because of race? I think they must approve of this behavior. They must stand in solidarity. How can serial killing go un-challenged? Why look the other way? Why do they feel safe? Why do they believe they will not be, or can not be affected by these horrible actions?

It is ironic because my brother fell in love with a white girl. She fell in love too. I would say she was one of the most prettiest girls in the town. She became pregnant, and they had a son. Some time after that my brother was chased by police officers who were off duty but supposedly working on some special drug task force. A couple of days later my brother’s body was found floating in the Susquehanna river in the next town over called Middletown.

The point is; who gets hurt? An innocent child, a mother, a father, sisters, brothers….families. My nephew is half white. So the white side of the family is hurt too. What war is this? What are white people killing for? What is to be the goal? What are the white people fighting for, is it land, power, control, the whole freggin earth? I need the good white people to stand up and become brave, you are watching, but not seeing. Hearing but not listening. YOU ARE JUST AS GUILTY COLUMBIA P.A.

C.O. Curruption Failing Prison Systems

I just read an article in The New York Daily News a couple of days ago describing how a female correction officer who worked on Rikers Island, in Queens, New York, was under investigation for having sexual relations with a male inmate and also selling drugs and alcohol to the inmate and others. Surprised? I hope not. I have heard about instances such as this happening all over the country, straight from inmates mouth; from state to federal levels (yes I know people who were in prison).

My querry is, how can inmates be rehabilitated to become better people, if the people who are in charge of their daily activities on a basic level are corrupted and have as many ill intensions as the people (this too is debabatable, race seems to be a factor to arrest and convictions in this country) who are incarcerated? How can a convicted drug dealing felon see a brighter better future, when the correction officers want to work for them or with them? How can a drug abuser stay off of drugs, if drugs (of any kind) are for sale in the prison where he or she is doing their time?

How can we ignore rap artist Rick Ross, also known as William Roberts, who in the early ’90s worked for South Florida Reception Center (nice euphanism for a prison) as a correctional officer. Now that Mr. Ross has the career of his dreams, it seems he can not stop writing songs about kilo’s, coccaine and everything else that the lifestyle of a kingpin may include. He cant possibly be the only C.O. who wants to become a rap star. And that female officer can not possibly be the only female, or male on the job violating the law, and basically the trust of the nation.

I am going to make this short. I wish America wasnt so damn stupid!

* I would like to add that I have no problem with Rick Ross’s choice of subject matter when it comes to his music. I consider myself a responsible listener, also I have enough sense to know it is purley entertainment, futhermore i have purchased his music and enjoy it. WHOOP!

Regretful Writings

Regret is an emotional word. some people say; try not to do things you will one day regret. Other people say make mistakes, and regret none of them. I would say I have regrets, from large to small. I guess the question is which ones bother me the most. I would answer by saying that changes alot as time passes. One thing that I often find dissapointing in myself is when I write or text mean things. I have a name for when I tweet or facebook something harsh; emotional typing.

So yes. I am guilty of expressing exactly how I feel, regardless of whose feelings may get hurt. And since I am such a articulate writer, I find a sort of dark enjoyment with what I can do with sentence structure, and how the mere use of words can be so harmful to some. So again yes, I am still working on my immaturity.

Basically I need to work on controlling my emotions. On a good day (everything is going my way on these days, which is also immature of me to catogorize those days in that way) I can handle someone else ignorance, or mistakes, or thoughtless comments. On a bad day (one thing might not go my way on this day) I am like a woman PMS’n to the tenth power, insecure, cranky, intolerable, even indifferent. However, no matter how much anger I may take out on someone, or even someting (spam), I am never completley callous about it. I am always guilty or regretful.

I have no suggestions on what to do about regretful writings except, try to think before you write or text someone, like editing. And there always therapy (LOL), what i do is, if I do slip up I would delete whatever I typed, to cease any future embarassment. I only wrote this because I know I am not the only one out here texting, facebooking and tweeting with anger. We can save ourselves from future text bashing events and learn a more mature way to express ourselves. :-))))

 

 

“Facebook deactivate!”

So, I am more than positive that if you are reading this blog you have either heard of facebook, or you actually have a facebook account. When facebook first started it was just a couple of college students socializing online, it was cool. Then once the word spread about facebook, it took on a life of it’s own, both positive and negative.

On the positive side, you can find family and friends that you might not have been able to get in contact with prior to facebook’s arrival. I like that part, I have a plan to reunite all of my family if I can. I have even found old friends from high school, that was awesome. Viewing pictures of loved ones, catching up, those are some of the nice things about facebook.

Now, on the negative side, the drama. You might find an enemy, or an enemy might find you. I have witnessed that this may lead to bold confrontations for all to see. Love triangles, baby fathers, and baby mothers, husbands, wives, even family. I must admit, the arguments via facebook are entertaining.

Then I was attacked. I did not know who the person was, I wont repeat what was said, but I will say i was amused and hurt at the same time. Amused because I just did not understand what maniac was mad enough to write on my facebook wall. Hurt because it was slighty embarrassing, I have family and friends that I hold in high regard who also swing by and read my facebook wall every now and again.

I made an ultimate decision to deactivate my page for a while. Out of about five hundrend facebook friends, I am in constistant contact with about twenty of them, and they all have my cell number.

 

The Grammy Show I Will Never Forget

You might not care about music, but if you do, i know you watched The Grammy’s last night. Even if you hate music you might be aware of whats going on simply because of the passing of Whitney Houston. My younger brother did not know how accomplished she was. he said ” she’s getting the Michael Jackson treatment”, I then caught him up on all she has done. Besides Whitney’s untimely death, there were other topics buzzing around the Grammy show. Adele who was nominated and won six of the golden awards, performed her song Rolling in the Deep, which she won for best song of the year. Adele just had undergone throat surgery, and from the way she sung that song, the operation was a sucess.

How about we get to the fashion, shall we? I am just gonna get to the excitement. I expect to see many expresssive forms of fashion when dealing with the music industry. I appriciate the fact that the show was so entertaining and meaningful that I can actually blog about it today. as I have said before, I like different. I love a story line behind an outfit. However after last night I need someone to thoroughly explain to me the meaning behind some of those choices.

One young lady came in with a futurisitic machine gun attached to her arm and gown. A D.J. came with his giant Mickey Mouse esque face mask. Nicki Minaj came in as one of her alter ego’s, Roman, dressed in a little red riding hood couture, her human accessory was a bishop. Sigh, I wish i could sqeeze a couple of LOL’s in this (oops I just did). The performance of Nicki Minaj is a whole ‘nother blog. (LOL) 

THIS IS WHY U SHOULD BE STANDING NEXT TO ME

I am something like a reporter. I observe a lot. If something interest me or affects me, or maybe just makes me think, I might write about it. I like forming my own opinions, I am not scared to go against the grain, or popular trends. What is the fun in being a follower, excluding twitter, anyway? Generic thinking leaves a bland taste on my pallet, and I have intricate and complex taste. I appreciate thinkers and idealist. They make my day less boring. I want to live the American Dream, but that keeps changing for me, I believe thats a good thing. This blog will give you the chance to check out  my thoughts. I will be sure to keep it honest and open. I will reply, thoughtfully. Blog by blog you will form your own idea of who I am, and i guess decide whether you like me or not. But more importantly standing next to me is just like me standing next to you.

MY SOCIAL NETWORK

Every generation has their “thing”. The one thing that highlighted their prime, or their best accomplishments collectively. One generation is known for the atom bomb, another for rock and roll, and yet another for the sexual revolution. And if that isn’t very telling, well every discovery would not be controlled and took on lives of their own. Think about it. So now we have the internet, it has done more than anyone has ever expected and it keeps changing and growing. And we all know when things change and grow and can not be controlled, the government gets really scared and wants to mission S.D. aka SHUT IT DOWN (for further evaluation of course).

Social Networking is now apart of my daily activities. It is an effective tool for communication and self expression. I am an artist, and every artist wants and needs and outlet to express themselves, or maybe promotes themselves, their ideas. Of course no one is perfect and there are internet users who abuse the internet. People abuse things sometimes, its just how it is. Violaters’ of the law can and are dealt with by the proper authorities. Other than that, i can’t see how a social network should ever be removed or shut down. Irresponsible users should not have the privilege to use to the internet.

I actually find it interesting to see what is on another persons mind. Sometimes i’m shocked , sometimes i laugh, sometimes i even agree. I really don’t mind being so connected. We are all connected anyway.

I just heard about Whitney

First i’d like to say we have lost another musical gem today, the amazing Whitney Houston. I was actually just sitting here catching up on my blog”s at my friends house. I just referenced Whitney in a blog I just finished like ten minutes ago. I am simultaneously thinking about all of the problems and obstacles in my life, when i get this news. I just instantly think of her daughter. I am a mom and a daughter. My problems are not that bad right now. REST IN PEACE WHITNEY.

I grew up listening to Whitney Houston. You were taught to respect a woman with a voice like that. She also paved the way for black female singers in this country. She broke records and sold millions of albums. Who can forget when she killed the national anthem? Nobody has done it better or like her since. Whitney struggled with drugs, but we all have struggles. I will never forget Whitney Houston. 

 

Truth Hurts / Reality Bites

I’ve been wondering if anyone has noticed the not so subtle influx of black women starring in reality television shows. Once upon a time we we were just objects of desire, as far as casting was concerned. Or we were competing for someone’s love and or attention, no matter how foolish we appeared. What triggered the trend? Obviously ratings had something to do with it. However that means that millions of people all over the country were tuning in to watch black women and other women of color on t.v. I can imagine what the big television executives conversations were like (“…I think were on to something here…”). Which show really did it? Was it Whitney and Bobby, with their erratic antics? Was it the ladies from The Flavor of Love Show, with their shamelessness? Or did black women take note and realized there is a market for them as well? Tiffany Pollard aka Miss New York knew this, she went from appearing as a finalist in the competition for Flava’s love to starring in her own spin off I LOVE NEW YORK.

Then we had Keisha Cole and her family that came with their drama, but for most black people, this was normal drama. It was still one of the most talked about shows because it was so honest. With all the money Keisha has, it can’t fix a troubled family. There were also family themed shows, Run’s House, Tiny and TI, Brandy and Ray J’s Family Business. These shows are good and excellent at displaying; black people do have wonderful stable families as well. But let’s be honest, this isn’t the reason people are tuning in or the reason why people who are not even trained actors are becoming national if not international celebrities.

What we really tune in for is the sass and emotion that black women bring to your t.v. Who doesn’t love a strong opinionated woman? It can be scary sometimes, but what the hell, it’s good t.v. We really admire girls like Shaunie, Chrissy, and Ne Ne. It certainly takes a lot of courage to let cameras follow you around and document every flaw and mis-step. I know I would not want the nation witnessing my failing marriage or idle career. I would like to talk about the likes of The Bad Girls Club, but thats for another post.